Stay-at-home-dad: Depression- 'All in the mind? Not really.'
I am a ‘stay-at-home-dad’.
During an informal meeting with a friend; the conversation lead to the
topic of my duties and responsibilities as a person of the said stature. We had
not known each others’ company since our days as bachelors. Because of that
fact, I was not acquainted with issues concerning his personal life; and could
not say exactly if he, too, had gone through the subject he had asked of my
situation: “Did you go through DEPRESSION?”
This psychological difficulty ensues from so many circumstances in life
which are usually negative: a broken family; discovery of having a mortal
handicap; financial problems; displeasure or discontent from the rituals of
everyday life, to name a few. Being a ‘stay-at-home-dad’ qualifies to be one
among these.
In some documents/articles I came across regarding the topic of this new
‘social standing’; depression of men in these circumstances has been reported
to be caused by their own doing. They tend to think too lowly of themselves;
debase or lessen their own esteem and self-worth; or conjure negative beliefs
and/or assumptions of relative to themselves:
·
They feel inferior
compared to their spouses or other persons of the same gender who are not in
share the same predicament,
·
They are of the opinion
that their lives are not worth living.
·
They lack enthusiasm or
interest in actions which usually bring about positive results; i.e. going out
with friends, having sex, exercising, etc
This is considered as an “inside
job”-meaning, the issues that cause depression in these men are all in
their mind. And, suggestively; that is also the manner of overcoming the
problem: “getting their act together”; psychologically speaking. (1)
This, however, is not consistently a fact; because it contradicts the
logical aphorism: “To every effect there is a cause.” And in this case; the
cause is usually the ramifications of society’s hasty and offensive judgement
against men who are billeted at home.
Countries of Western culture such as
Canada, the United States and the United Kingdom have peoples who are more
open-minded to the subject of SAHD’s as compared to Asian countries like Japan
and South Korea (2) where traditional masculine norms are practiced by the
community. But this is not to say that Western/Westernized countries are 100%
devoid of critics and detractors. The shared prejudices of these individuals
are presumably the general cause of depression in stay-at-home-dads.
Consider these commonly expressed
statements by society with regards to home-based fathers/husbands and it will
be obvious why these are the seeds which blossom into their depressive state of
mind:
·
“You know how to make a
kid, but you don’t know how to find a job.”
·
In law to wife: “What
did you find in this pathetic loser?”
·
Elder relations to
SAHD: “In my days, the man is the head of the family and having a job gives him
the ‘voice’ over his wife.”
·
Peer pressure: “Ander
kay kumander”-(Filipino jest translating to ‘Intimidated by wife’)
The means of overcoming these factors does
not completely rely on the person alone; doing some form of meditation of
“cleansing of the soul”. While it is advisable to refrain from having a
bellicose demeanour; being part of society sometimes will make it necessary. If
some fathers/husbands choose to disregard the views and traditional opinion of
the community and carry out a more placid manner of upholding their honour (3);
there are those who tend to be rather belligerent against those who vilify them.
Whether a stay-at-home dad employs a subtle
or an antisocial behaviour toward the cause of their ridicule; facing the
latter is probably the most efficient way of avoiding or overcoming depression.
Online
references:
(1)themakelifebetterguy.com
(3)http:/www.utexas.edu/features/2008
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