A PINCH OF SALT AND PEPPER-Why The United States Won't Kick Rodrigo Duterte Out

A PINCH OF SALT AND PEPPER

Why the United States Won’t Kick Rodrigo Duterte Out

   Barak Obama found it hard to fall asleep. As much as he tossed and turned, he could not successfully fall into a slumber. Something was bothering him and he was appalled to find out how literally that fact was. When he opened his eyes, he heard a voice emanating from outside his bedroom door. He heard his name repeatedly spoken with a western twang, summoning him. Foregoing the thought of waking his wife and asking if she heard the same thing; he put on a robe and walked toward the origin of the voice. It led him to the Oval office where he found the ghost of Ronald Reagan sitting on a couch, waiting for him.

    After composing himself, he walked to the presidential desk and addressed his guest.

   “To what do I owe the pleasure, Ron?”

    There was an insincere smile on the actor-president’s face as he replied. “No pleasure, really; not for either of us. Let me cut to the chase. Lately, I’ve been hearing about this fellah way over in the Philippines: this “Duterte” guy. Seems he’s been kicking up a lot of sand and dirt; making a racket over at the Pacific. I heard he’s even flirting with the Russians.”

   “Yes. So?” Obama confirmed.

   “So why aren’t you sending the Jack Ryan’s and James Greer’s (*) to have a go at him?”

     Obama shrugged. “I don’t know; got some misgivings. Do you believe in God and karma, Ron?”

   “Sure. I guess so. Maybe; why?” Reagan answered, somewhat puzzled.

   “Remember back in the 80’s when you helped Cory and her People Power revolution?”

   “I didn’t ‘help’ her.”

   “But you picked up the phone and told Marcos to throw in the towel, and get his ass out of Malacañan and onto Hawaii.”

   “So?”

   “Look. We all know Imelda and Ver plotted Ninoy’s murder, and Andy didn’t know shit about it. But because he was so detested; all fingers were pointed at him. The Filipinos were paying the price for putting a tyrant into office; and his wife and military strongman just aggravated everything. It’s their problem. It’s their karma for being rash and stupid. Then you came along, playing referee; and letting Cory take his seat. Look where that got us. In a few years after the widow was in power, they were telling the guys at Subic and Clark to beat it. Don’t tell me you didn’t take that with a grain of salt.”

    Reagan scowled as he attempted to comprehend what he was hearing. “I don’t see your point.”

   “That’s why I asked you about karma and God.”

    The dead actor made shrugged with befuddled inquiry; a dumbfounded expression on his face. His counterpart was becoming relatively ambiguous.

    Obama continued.

   “That pugilist dork in Malacañan now is God’s new ‘Angel of Death’; and He’s making those idiots pay for voting the jerk into office.  He’s their problem now; the way Andy was back in the 80’s. We’re not sure how the Liberal party will treat us after we help them kick his ass. That’s why I’m thinking about the ensuing repercussions if I send the boys at Langley to take him out. I mean look at Lot’s wife. She got too curious; stuck her nose where it didn’t belong; and look what happened to her.”

    Reagan forced a laugh; hinting at how incredulous he found Obama’s words. “Oh come, on Barry. Look at yourself; you’re an African-American democrat. Salt is WHITE.” The pun was made expressing his frustration over such obstinate points of view.

    Obama resolutely shook his head and made for the door. Reagan was stunned and ruefully called out, “Barry. Barry. Come on, pal.”

    Before he exited the room, Barak Obama indignantly pointed at Ronald Reagan and said, “There is no way-NO WAY-am I letting the American people, least of all you Republicans, put me in a pepper shaker!”

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*Jack Ryan and James Greer are fictional characters involved with the Central Intelligence Agency in a number of Tom Clancy novels.